Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
