trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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