I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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