Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
did i walk over a car last night?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Of course I have a pirate flag
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
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