Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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