Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
