You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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