I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
