Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
