So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
