My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
