I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize
