you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
