i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
