I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
