he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
