I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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