My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
