But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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