sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
