I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
