Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
