she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
