Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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