Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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