I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
