I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
