Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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