I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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