do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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