You smell like a Billy Joel song
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
