I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Randomize
