It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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