Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
