I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
