it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
