Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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