having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
