walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
