The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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