But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
You've changed since you got that strap on
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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