I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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