Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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