"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
