Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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