you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
