just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
not ubering you a puppy
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
