So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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