He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
