youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
