You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
a search helicopter?!
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
