I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
