k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she pinky promised me she was 18
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
